Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Let it Burn

A few situations have crossed my consciousness lately and have caused me to reflect about letting go, releasing, and being positive. There is a limit to this kind of coping; I recently read an article that said being “too nice” can contribute to depression. My sister likes to call this being Pollyanna Sunshine. I don’t think putting on a happy face is always the best answer.
At what point does this “letting go” turn into denial, and lack of strong boundaries. Our anger or grief are emotions that are there for a reason. They lets us know something is not right. Putting those things aside consistently in favor of “being positive” will in the long run cause resentment and unhappiness.
Life is full of reasons for righteous anger, life is not fair, people are thoughtless, and shit happens. Yes we want to come out on the other side and walk in the light, but to get there we may have to mire through some truly ugly and painful things. To ignore their existence only puts them off, it does not extinguish them.
Giving your anger and grief or whatever negative emotions you are feeling, validity, and finding a way to express them is the only way to move on. Give them what they are asking for, space and time to burn themselves out. Do not tolerate people in your life that create strife, if they can’t be avoided create strong boundaries. Then instead of being left with resentment, you can be left with strength, and self respect.
“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” 
Maya Angelou

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Fiction Imitating excerpt
She leaned back in the creaky lawn chair and gazed up at the sky through leaves of the large tree that grew in the yard. The days were beginning to get warm and the sun felt good on her skin. If she could just sit there like that for the rest of eternity everything would be just fine. But she couldn't and it wasn’t.
Slowly she lowered her gaze to the paved driveway and took in the view. An old dresser belonging to her son, a basket of books, a set of china that had been a wedding gift, and had done nothing ever but gather dust. Most of her old work wardrobe, and some children’s toys. It was her whole life, laid out before her like so much junk. Her whole life it seemed, for sale, or worse yet waiting to be thrown unceremoniously into the trash.
That is what the sign on the fence may have well read “Unwanted life for Sale to highest bidder.” Slowly a warm tear trickled down the side of her face, the memories seeping in of happier times. Wiping the tear with the back of her hand she picked up a Pooh Bear out of the basket of toys and remembered the family trip to Disney land when her youngest was just a babe. She never imagined then, what her life would be now.
That old familiar feeling of grief and fear came again; it was the one thing she could count on anymore. Her throat closed up, a heavy weight descended on her chest, and gnawing ache began again in her stomach. The feeling gutted her, everything she thought she knew, the very ground she had built her life upon, was swept from under her. She was now rootless, floating, and lost, and stood weeping in her driveway.
It was strange for her to think of all the bits of her life strewn about the drive, and how it looked like so much junk to someone else. What was the point of it all anyway? Well, she thought, that about sums it up. Unwanted life. She felt as if she would never be able to pick up the pieces again. Defeated, she had hit rock bottom. 
But slowly, the feeling subsided, she knew she would recover. Never again would she be able to look at life with naive innocence and think that it would sit still for her. She knew it would challenge her, bend her, but not break her, not this time. She sat back down again, took a deep breath and again looked up at the blue sky through the leaves of the tree. The sky, the sky would always be there. The sun would continue to shine, the rain would fall and life would go on. She would just have to go on too.