Being betrayed, is sour lump in your gut…a bitter and painful thing…your pulse races, your heart pounds, your stomach turns nauseously, and a sense of anger and confusion takes over…how could you do this to me? I gave you something so precious to hold…my trust and now it’s broken. And we all know trust is not something easily repaired, but it is possible.
I have been on both sides of this fence, as most of us have, because betrayal comes in all sizes…itty bitty…"I fibbed about why I didn't come to your party"…to triple extra large…"I wasn't working late at the office last night dear." Whatever side of the fence you fall on, it feels awful.
What I have learned is while the betrayal can be vastly different in scope, the root feelings are the same, much like my reflection on grief in my previous blog. It just comes down to how deeply and how long the feelings will affect you.
I think the thing that hurts the most, is sometimes it's not the actual crime itself, but the fact you were excluded, lied to, or tricked…it feels as if you were disregarded. No one wants to feel disregarded, let alone by someone they trust and love. I think often the perpetrator does not intend on any of these things…instead they fall into a trap they have set for themselves through bad choices, fear of judgement, and their own inability to trust in others.
In order to be honest you have to trust your relationships, you have open yourself up and trust that those you love will be accepting and considerate of your humanness. There is that word again, trust…full circle. It seems to be a a catch 22, when you are breaking someone’s trust, you are doing it because you don’t trust them with your honesty.
Why is honesty so hard? It’s because honesty will often make you vulnerable…vulnerable to criticism, vulnerable to feelings of anger directed at you, it often disrupts the status quo. Self preservation is a very strong instinct; to make yourself vulnerable isn’t a simple task.
In the end I think the most important thing we can do, is trust and be honest, build those relationships in which these things come most easily, and put your faith in your most cherished friends and loved ones. Try to be someone who can be trusted to be thoughtful with honesty, and be truthful in your words and actions.
When you make a mistake fess up, and try to learn from it. Then forgive…forgive yourself for being tripped up by life, for being human. But don't make excuses, take responsibility for your actions, learn something and move forward.
This actually feels rejuvenating, I am energized when I have learned something even if it had to come to me through failure. I am human, therefore fallible and malleable, I can make mistakes, see the error in my ways, change, and learn, becoming a better person for it in the end.