Being betrayed, is sour lump in your gut…a bitter and
painful thing…your pulse races, your heart pounds, your stomach turns nauseously, and a sense of anger and
confusion takes over…how could you do this to me? I gave you something so precious to
hold…my trust and now it’s broken. And
we all know trust is not something easily repaired, but it is possible.
I have been on both sides of this fence, as most of us have,
because betrayal comes in all sizes…itty bitty…"I fibbed about why I didn't come
to your party"…to triple extra large…"I wasn't working late at the office last
night dear." Whatever side of the fence you fall on, it feels awful.
What I have learned is while the betrayal can be vastly
different in scope, the root feelings are the same, much like my reflection on
grief in my previous blog. It just comes down to how deeply and how long the
feelings will affect you.
I think the thing that hurts the most, is sometimes it's not the
actual crime itself, but the fact you were excluded, lied to, or tricked…it feels as
if you were disregarded. No one wants to feel disregarded, let alone by someone
they trust and love. I think often the perpetrator does not intend on any of
these things…instead they fall into a trap they have set for themselves through
bad choices, fear of judgement, and their own inability to trust in others.
In order to be honest you have to trust your relationships,
you have open yourself up and trust that those you love will be accepting and
considerate of your humanness. There is
that word again, trust…full circle. It seems to be a a catch 22, when you
are breaking someone’s trust, you are doing it because you don’t trust them
with your honesty.
Why is honesty so hard? It’s because honesty will often make
you vulnerable…vulnerable to criticism, vulnerable to feelings of anger
directed at you, it often disrupts the status quo. Self preservation is a very strong instinct;
to make yourself vulnerable isn’t a simple task.
In the end I think
the most important thing we can do, is trust and be honest, build those
relationships in which these things come most easily, and put your faith in your
most cherished friends and loved ones. Try to be someone who can be trusted
to be thoughtful with honesty, and be truthful in your words and actions.
When you make a mistake fess up, and try to learn from
it. Then forgive…forgive yourself for being tripped up by life, for being
human. But don't make excuses, take responsibility for your actions, learn
something and move forward.
This actually feels rejuvenating, I am energized when I have learned something
even if it had to come to me through failure. I am human, therefore fallible and malleable, I can make mistakes, see the error in my ways, change, and learn, becoming a better person for it in the end.
