Turning Your Back

I have realized more and more of late, so much of the world as we perceive it is viewed through our personal lens of experience. Some people are born into what I call small or narrow worlds, and stay there throughout their lives. Their comfort zone is small and rarely do they want to challenge its borders. They refuse to let in anything that conflicts with their belief set.

Others are born into bigger worlds, where their belief sets still remain strong but are more flexible to changing environments. They embrace challenges to the “norm” and opportunity to question the status quo. Their belief set leaves room to understand and accept more variations.

When these two worlds collide it can be ugly. These small world people tend judge harshly, expect others to fit in their strict boxes for the “norm” and are often hypocritical, because of the conflict of trying to fit a unique human spirit into the neat boxes of the perceived “norm.”

Bigger world people, being imperfect humans as well, struggle with accepting these small world people in their lives, the narrow minded trying to push them and shape them into something they are not. The two groups often wind up turning their backs on each other.

I would use for example a very old man set in his ways, feels confidant he knows how to live a good life and he should be respected and listened to. Put him in a room with a very young man, free spirited, tattooed, pierced, and ready to challenge the world.  The old man will see a foolish boy screwing up his life with his radical self expression, and the boy will see a stubborn old man, who sees nothing of the changing world and who he wants to hear nothing from.

In actuality, they could potentially have so much to learn from each other. If for a minute they could look at the world through another lens. It's easy to lose sight of what we lose when we turn our backs, experience, relationships, and growth.

This is something I struggle with regularly. I have no desire, or room in my life for those that judge harshly, or stubbornly cling to the idea that their way is the only way. Somewhere in my mind I know I should learn from them, but sometimes it’s easier to just turn away. Ironically I judge the judgers. 

This reflection has come from a recent negative interaction with someone close to me. In a way I should not have been surprised, looking at the big picture I realize this persons reaction was on par for the lens through which they view the world. It's always good to remember this to put things in perspective. This can help you to forgive or let go. You have your lens to view the world and they have theirs, sometimes this will mean walking away. 

Weathering the Storm

Broken hearts and broken dreams 

Glued together at the seams

What once was broken on the floor 

Put together stronger than what was before 

Never again to be the same 

But strong enough to play life's game

All is never lost for good 

When we remember our brotherhood

We wear our scars like badges proud

Because we live and love so loud

When lifes storm will rip and tear 

We hand a friend our load to bear

To share the burden makes it light 

And we can all see our future bright

Little Forever Lights

Sometimes I envision myself as a little spark of energy or light, flitting around the universe colliding with other little sparks. When I collide with the right spark, my energy flames up, radiates out, becomes brighter, at other times when I collide with another spark, I grow dim, my light is paled in the presence of that spark. I can close my eyes and almost feel the buzz of energy flowing through my veins, responding to the energies I am in the presence of. Plants, birds, bees, mankind, all with their little flames of light.

What if that’s really all we are? Little balls of energy flitting around, looking to collide with other sparks that make us bright? Sparks of energy only just barely contained by our cumbersome flesh and bone. Flitting around, simultaneously radiating and absorbing life energy from our neighboring sparks. I would like to think that my spark is one that makes others brighter. I would like to think that that we go on for eternity, little balls of energy.

A Reflection on Christmas

Another Christmas is just around the corner. In my younger years there was nothing in the world that could crush my holiday spirit. And we were poor, never had enough to make ends meet, but we loved our small traditions, and we made the best of it. This went on far into my adult life. My Cheermiestering started the day after thanksgiving and continued until Dec 26^th. I would start baking, several kinds of cookies and sweet breads to freeze. I made homemade wrapping paper, sent out dozens of greeting cards, sang all the classic carols all day long, and drank more than my fair share of eggnog.

But several years ago all that changed. Call it midlife crises, or maybe I just finally gave in to the Scrooge. Looking around at my dysfunctional family, and overwhelmed by the incessant consumerism, I started feeling like nothing I did really mattered. Traditions became thankless motions; everywhere I looked I saw need or greed, both which disheartened me.

I don’t know what caused this change, although I can say it seemed to happen all at once. Suddenly, a holiday I loved, that was filled with joy and family became a chore, something I had to force a smile to get through, doing the bare minimum “for the kids.” It no longer held any meaning for me.

Ever since then, I have been searching, wanting to get back that warm fuzzy Christmas feeling I know exists, but to do that, I now know I have to find its meaning to me. It means a lot of things to a lot of people, and easy if you are Christian, but I am not. But I know it still means something. But what?

This year, it means letting go. Letting go of how things are “supposed” to be, letting go of unrealistic expectations, letting go of perfection. This year it means acceptance and flexibility. To look for that joy in smaller moments, to embrace all of my emotions at this time of year, even if it sadness. To stop with false cheer and look deeper, so when a genuine moment of joy presents itself I can recognize it.

Life is hard, it has so many twists and turns, if there is anything that can magnify that, it’s a holiday where everyone is expected to be full of joy. I am thankful to be in place where I am now open to see things in a new way; I have a sense of hope. I look back at the years behind me and feel blessed to have the life I have led, and lessons learned, and see a new year coming up before me and welcome it, whatever it brings because I know it will teach me something.

So this year, I will put up a tree big or small, fake or real, and love it. I will expect nothing, and love what I receive. I will give of my time freely and with an open heart and joy will find me. 

Love is Life

To love fully, wholly, with an open heart is to know we are alive

Falling in love is floating gently, blissfully, soaring through the atmosphere

Heart pounding, full to the point of bursting, All is joy, bliss, and delight

To love fully, wholly, with an open heart is to let it break, shatter and bleed

Breath sucked from your chest, sorrow drowning the light, falling gracelessly to the ground

Hot tears tracing trails down your cheek as you gather up the fragile shards of your broken heart

Yet we still give our hearts to hold, we risk it all, we still love fully, wholly, and with an open heart

To know we are alive.

Finding Direction

Everyone has times in their lives where they feel they have lost direction. That is a very hard place to be. Life without direction results in worry anxiety and stress. Not knowing what to do or where you are going in life is a very uncomfortable place to be.

In thinking about this, I think about direction and what that means. Is it some material goal, buy a house, get married, or start a career? For many I think this is what direction is. So when things go wrong and goals are not met, it feels as if you are lost.

I like to think about direction in this way, who do I want to be? How do I want to live? Taking the emphasis off of the material plane and look at it on a spiritual plane. I think there is much less chance of getting lost when it is looked at in this light.

Not finding the right mate, not being able to finance a new home, or have your dream career, does not define who you are. Living consciously, with your focus on the health and well being of your spirit is what will keep you from being lost in your life.

There are times when things will weigh heavily on you, death, loss, all those experiences in life none of us get to avoid. Those are the times when you re-evaluate where you are going or what your “direction” is. If you have made being happy, being whole and conscious in your life, the direction, these losses will be less likely to make you feel as if you have gone astray.

It’s when we lack direction and feel lost, our spirit or soul, or whatever it is you want to call that energy, starts to dim. Clinging to relationships, people, or physical things, or the way we think they should be, can pull your energy down. Instead focus on your own spiritual well being, knowing you are just a part of greater humanity, living the human experience. Direct your energy toward your own life spark, the one thing you are the master of, and all things will fall into place and be just as they should be.

Realize that all things are transient, people, material things, your station in life, and especially grief and loss, will pass through. Relinquish the desire to control, and become a passenger in your life. A learning, growing, contented, inspired passenger. 

Hypocracy And Our Great Nation version 2

As Independence Day approaches I am reflecting on the state of freedom, patriotism and religion in this great nation. I feel the same about patriotism as I do about religion. It is full of hypocrisy and fallacies. 

Religion is brimming with mythology and misinterpretations and so are the commonly accepted ideas about the founding of “this great nation”.

There’s nothing like growing up in a religious commune as I did, to illustrate all the bold faced lies in religion.  I saw firsthand how it is used to control and manipulate others, and used for profitable gain. I turned completely away from religion about five years ago when I realized that I could not pretend to believe there was some omniscient being, micromanaging people’s lives and making judgment on right and wrong. The white Christian theology many of us are fed from the cradle does not reflect the true diversity that is represented on our planet earth.  It is a narrow and condescending belief system that when closely examined by a critical mind cannot hold up to scrutiny.

This is also how I feel about patriotism; we are saturated by images of the mighty Red White and Blue and fed false ideas about how liberated we are. I find many of these beliefs fictitious. We are governed by a heavy handed government; who feeds us a false sense of freedom and security. When we speak as a people it takes a herculean effort to be heard over the influence of the all mighty dollar, and white male Christianity.

White Christian America and everything that goes with it, is offensive to me, and I'm sure my views will be offensive to some who read this.

But consider who really built this country. It was the determination of a few souls fleeing their homelands seeking freedom from condemnation; they fought tooth and nail to scratch out an existence for their belief in independence. It was the First Nations, making sacrifices of their own freedom and their way of life. Suffering the humiliation and heartbreak of having their land and culture raped. It was on the backs of all the immigrants who came here seeking liberty. This country was built on the struggle of vastly different cultures, and brave men and women from around the globe. All of these varied and beautiful people poured into one nation, with the same goal, to live and be free.

So reflecting on this I see America as needing to go a long way yet to meet its goal of true freedom. When we have erased bigotry against gender, race, religion, and sexual orientation, when we no longer have laws polluted with religious ideals, when we are really free to live without condemnation, when our voices are heard over and above the clamor of the all mighty dollar, when we are all equally represented and have the ability to live without suppression and intolerance, then we will be truly free.

It should be noted that I am grateful for living here, in this country, and not in a country where suppression and abuse of human rights is even more egregious.  I am simply stating my opinion on where we are now, and where we need to go.  I thank the universe I am free to write this.