Friday, March 8, 2013

A Woman’s place is…in the woodshed?



Women and girls had an interesting role in the commune, it was very much one of servitude. Right down to brushing out the luxurious or not so luxurious Jesus-like locks of their men.  They were meant to be seen and not heard, to be meek and submissive, always deferring to the men in their lives. All the stereotypical women’s work was of course theirs to complete as well. This included child care, cooking and housework. All of these things were not easy for many of the women who lived in the very rustic locations such as “The Ranch” which was an outlying property in the country with very scarce amenities. Many members lived in tents and rudimentary shacks, some with running water, very few had electricity.
I think this role may have been easy for my mother’s generation to accept, their own mothers did much the same thing as feminism was just beginning to blossom in the main stream. Unfortunately they were modeling this submissive behavior to their young daughters as well.
Ironically, in addition to women’s work, it seemed to be common for them to be responsible for things that typically a man would be expected to do. They would haul heavy buckets of water for housekeeping and bathing, chopping and hauling firewood, and other such physically difficult labor, and with all likelihood, a baby on their hip and a toddler in tow.  This however I am grateful for! The commune women were a strong bunch, tanned, toned, and ironically independent as running the basic needs of the household would often left to be her responsibility.
This brings me to my teen years and the things I knew a “girl” was capable of doing. My very earliest job, along with my female peers was bucking hay and firewood. This included heaving the bales of hay into the trailer as it rolled through the field, and chopping and loading cords of wood into the back of a huge dump truck. And I enjoyed it! The smell of the hay, the chainsaw, the sap of fresh cut wood, it was all very satisfying. We did these jobs every summer so we could buy school cloths. We did not grow up a bunch of soft handed women, that’s for sure.
I am grateful to have learned, however oddly it was presented to me, that I did not have to be the weaker sex. While yes, it was modeled to us to be meek and submissive; on the other hand rather unintentionally, we were also shown we could be strong and independent. I find myself to play both roles and feel like I have found a balance in my own life as to when I want to fill in the “woman’s role” and when I would just rather not. I definitely make myself heard, and I am the first to admit I will dig in my heels if I feel a man is telling me what to do. (Or anyone for that matter thanks to a fairly prominent independent streak).
Ultimately I was given a choice for which I am grateful for. I do miss chopping wood…but not that much, and if my husband had hair to brush, I would be sure to let him know he can do his own grooming thank you very much.

8 comments:

  1. I am glad my daughters are all strong women!

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  2. "While yes, it was modeled to us to be meek and submissive; on the other hand rather unintentionally, we were also shown we could be strong and independent."
    Great point!
    I see this in most women from the family! Sometimes it's even unexpected and surprising when one of them says, "I'll get this" pushes you out of the way, bunches up her dress with one hand and stokes the fire pit with the other. Then she points at the two "Men" (Standing, Watching with drinks in hand) and tells them to go and get the table cloths and flowers, because dinner is almost ready.

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  3. I love your writings. I can't help but wonder how the word submissive got so misconstrued and misinterpreted in regards to relationships within the roles and responsibilities of a life style. Submissive means to be protected, NOT controlled. As children, we saw the true meaning of that with my parents, and now with me and my husband. It's a blessing to know that you are strong and have the loving, caring husband that you do. If we could just get the message out that's it's ok to be submissive, to be protected when needed, AND we can still be strong and independent as women. The sense of control that men 'raise' themselves to have power is not what was intended. It's not a weak thing to be submissive if the action is lived to it's fullest definition. You are a good writer! Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for thought provoking input. It's always interesting how different people view different things. And you are correct, I have an incredible husband who cares for me and his children to the fullest extent. Thank you for reading.

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  4. Tekoah, I really enjoy your ability to craft visual images of past events, relative to time, place, people and even familiar odors and fragrances. It is thought-provoking to learn about your previous physical environment. I grew up in the suburbs of Baltimore, Maryland. Open fields were few, fruit and vegetable stands almost non-existent. As one of a family of ten children, I used to imagine that vegetables were always distributed in cans and that milk originated in glass containers delivered by the milk man in his big white truck. We had little money for non-essentials and, when older, were encouraged to find work so we could purchase new clothes and shoes instead of wearing hand-me-downs. All of this can scarcely be compared to your stimulating and often challenging childhood experiences in the open woods. I would have delighted in being a fly on one of your treed walls, and to have participated vicariously in some of those tender moments.

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  5. Thank you Susan but I would have to say your own story holds a great deal of interest. I would love to hear about what it was like to grow up in the burbs. Sounds as if you had a rich and interesting upbringing in it's own right. Thanks again!

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